{life is now...}

{if your name is marissa, don't read this post. a notebook full of it is on its way to you...}

after a wicked weekend of spring cleaning, yard work, and self-analyzing, daryl and i have come to the decision that life is now. i have decided that i need to spring clean my life. i spend at least 90% of my week in worry mode. i have become so overwhelmed with everything that has been going or not going on in our lives. i worry about whether the bills will get paid, if the doors are locked, if we will ever be stable financially. i just worry about everything. and i'm tired of it. i'm tired of being tired. if i keep waiting to do the things i love, i'll never do them! i keep waiting for the obstacles to be over - but they just keep coming. sometimes like a landslide. but i have decided that i am going to be a whole new haley. i am putting aside the worries of the past, and enjoying the moments as they happen. i have spent the first year of my wonderful marriage WORRYING! its shouldn't be this way - so. as of this weekend. i am spring cleaning my life. i will not be consumed with worrying about trivial things that i cannot change. I want to feel the breeze and just breathe it in. i want to take more time for enjoying good music, good food, and the company of friends. i want to sip tea as the sun comes up. plant a garden and for goodness sake keep it alive! turn up the music and dance. roll the windows down and let it mess up my hair. eat organic and not worry about the price. to laugh, to sing at the top of my lungs, and to recognize an opportunity when i see it. i want to concentrate on the things (photography) and the people (daryl) that i truly love. i realize that this is going to be a big step for me to NOT worry since, as my mother likes to remind me, its in my genes. but i'm determined. i need it. i'm starting fresh. gone are the days of trying to please everyone and trying to be perfect. i'm just going to be the best version of myself i know how. and make no apologies. i am going to live life now. because it can't wait.